Motivation

I left a comment on a friends blog and in the process I realized something important about myself. I think I can finally give voice to what motivates me professionally. If asked I would usually say that I want to do what is necessary to pay my bills and provide for my family. That is still true, but it does not go to the marrow of how I wish to carry myself as I go about my job.
There is fear in my work. That is one part of what drives me to get the job done. There is fear that you will get fired for not doing your job. There is fear that an inmate will manipulate you into making a mistake(they will manipulate you, you just have to manipulate them more). There is fear that you will contract staph or MRSA from all the nasty asses and funk you encounter daily(this has happened to several friends). There is fear that you will be sued by a worthless humanoid for no reason. There is fear that one day, one or more of these 30 or 50 or 90 inmates that share the room with you as you feed them or walk through will decide that they have nothing left to lose and that they are going to take you or a coworker out with them. All this fear motivates you to remain vigilant and think and do a good job.

It is not enough for me by itself.

What motivates me more than anything...what makes me want to lose more weight, run more, work out more, take martial arts training, further my education, and work hard at work is the desire to be well thought of at the lowest levels by the people who matter.

I go out of my way at work to get along with the people I am assigned to work with. I do not duck calls for assistance. I counsel and try not to judge when they tell me about their latest personal mistake or professional error. This all appeals to both my positive and negative personality traits.

I have always liked for people to think I am smart and at least question if I am smarter than them. I do this even though I haven't been the best at putting in the hard work to truly master anything. I have usually skimmed the surface picking up trivia or minutia. It is easy to know a little about a lot. It is hard to sacrifice and study and become truly proficient.

I am what they call an amiable personality. I like to be liked and that can make my job difficult at times. My fear that I will let down coworkers is what allows me to use it to my advantage. I can never admit this to the people I work with because some are not good people, but I will always follow orders and I will do anything that is not illegal or immoral if a coworker asks me. My desire to please and assist and help those I work with is that strong. If an inmate is about to start something I try to get in front to either deescalate or take the first shot of spit or piss or the first hit. If there is doubt as to who will take a job and write the report I will volunteer. If you don't want to feed 100 inmates lunch or dinner because you are "tired" but really afraid I will do it if you ask me. If they knew that all they had to do was ask I would be wasted by the end of the day.
I had a good partner when I started and worked nights and he taught me a lot. In the end one of the reasons I transferred to days was because he slept too much at night. Now I know that I wouldn't mind. We busted ass every day until lock down helping the jail to run. We worked so much that supervisors told us to ease back because no one else was answering any calls. We had an expression that we would use when asked to do some special assignment. We would say, "These shoulders are broad sarge, pile it on." That is how I want my coworkers to see me. I want to be the horse that is always ready to pull the load. That is my motivation.