I haven't posted in a while because I felt guilty about not finishing my letter to Sara. I finished it today and decided to include it here. It was good to see old friends and tell funny stories about Kris. I will never forgive myself for not speaking at his funeral. Here is the letter I wrote.
I met Kris Andrews my junior year at Georgia. I had taken a job with Food Services at Bolton Dining Hall and my job was dishwasher. It is possible I met Kris before this time because we had mutual friends at Sequoyah (his high school) and his step-brother Adam and my brother played soccer together for several years, but if so I don’t remember. Anyway, we got along pretty well and it turned out that we lived just down the hall from one another at College Place Apartments. I remember that we used to play this game when we were washing dishes as the trays came down the conveyor belt. We would take the dishes off the line and dump the food on the other guy’s hands and he had to guess what specific food was being dumped. It helped pass the time as the mostly minority staff played endless loops of Clarence Carter tapes. We didn’t last long and I think we eventually just stopped going, but an enduring friendship began.
I remember we hung out a lot at College Place. I think we were some of the only people in the country to watch Bay Watch Nights (an X-Files rip off with David Hasselhoff investigating strange goings on). We eventually decided to get an apartment at River Mill near the stadium for our Senior year where he would soon meet Sara when she brought a friend’s dog into our apartment. Kris was not pleased, but it all worked out. This was a hard time for me in some ways because I was coming to the end of a long relationship that just didn’t want to die. Kris helped me through it and when the leech was finally gone he also helped cover her side of the rent until we eventually got new roomies. He didn’t have to do that and I will never forget it.
It was one of the many ways he showed his true colors when it came to friendship.
Another way was taking out all my CD covers and stapling them to the wall with clever speech or thought bubbles attached that questioned my masculinity. You haven’t lived until an early 80’s picture of Dan Seals is talking dirty to you. There were numerous good times in this apartment. Kris started the Kappa Mu Lamdas (K for Kris, M for Mike, and L for Lawsons) while on a pottery date with Sara. We all attended most of the football games that year together including the Florida game, the Tennessee game and the Outback Bowl in Tampa. The maintenance man for the complex lived above us and he would come down every once in a while for a beer. I remember Kris and Dave and Drew all on the porch one time playing guitar, that was cool. Clint came over a good bit after Kris and Joel started up with the business fraternity.
One funny time ended up with Joel getting a MIP ticket(Minor in Possession). We had a few and I decided with Kris’s encouragement to wear my boots downtown. We didn’t go downtown much unless it was for coffee or a concert so the evening was already exceptional. My boots wouldn’t fit under my jeans leg so we decided to cut my jeans up the side and then staple them together after my boots were on. I looked ridiculous and that is probably what attracted the attention of the bike cops in the parking garage. They saw us and then saw Joel trying to throw away an empty beer bottle and decided to investigate. Joel got the ticket while I tried to argue probable cause with the cops. We ended up at Waffle House trying to convince Joel that he wouldn’t be disowned by his parents.
I met my wife and son while living there and that brings up another funny story. At some point after I started dating Nicole, Zach contracted lice at day care. I don’t think I have ever seen Sara so freaked out. She had long hair and she seemed convinced that there were already nits crawling through it.
Kris loved music and helped drag me out of my shell by making me go to strange shows with him. We saw Korn in Athens and moshed with a bunch of 14 year olds (Zach thinks that is a cool story). We saw GWAR in Atlanta and moshed with a bunch of weight lifting skin heads. We went to the Masquerade several times for their bubble nights. We saw Buddy Guy in Atlanta with Joel and almost got in a fight. We went to the last concert held at the Omni together, it was my first time seeing Metallica and probably his 50th time.
Kris loved to argue and if you had an opinion about most anything then you had better be ready to back it up. He asked me one time after we saw Metallica what I thought was the best concert I had ever been to. I told him either George Strait because I had good seats and it was such a simple show or the Rolling Stones Voodoo Lounge tour because it was so elaborate. You would have thought I slapped him in the face he was so insulted. If you made a compelling case he would come around to what you were saying, but you had to be convincing. He always liked Baby Gordon, but I think eventually he respected Dale Sr. some. He never seemed to like any of the movies I liked, but I think it was because he had extremely high standards. We never really reached an accord on religion either, but these days I am closer to him on that issue than I ever have been. We used to go to Jittey Joe’s or Blue Sky when in Athens and he would get his cup and sit down and say “Which of the world’s problems are we going to solve tonight?”
After we left school we would get together at I-hop or Waffle House when we could and catch up. Kris and I stayed close through our weddings where we were each others best men and when we both lived in Holly Springs. He was always there for me when I needed him. When I finally left my dad’s business to work for Cobb County I realized belatedly that I would need a vehicle since I had been driving a company truck. Kris and Sara sold me her old red car at a loss and allowed me to make payments. I will never forget that. When I went to work for American Express and had no clients and didn’t know what I was doing they became clients and bought a plan from me and listened to my sales pitches. When my mother died they took time to comfort me and my family. Not long after Chloe was born Nicole came down with acute appendicitis and had to have her appendix out. My immediate family was notoriously unreliable at this time and I was a mess running around with a new job and the kids. They kept putting off Nicole’s release date because she couldn’t get rid of the infection. Finally they decided to release her and I was on the other side of Atlanta somewhere. Sara and Vicki drove all the way over to the hospital and picked up Nicole and took her home and made her comfortable.
I don’t now know how I didn’t make more time for Kris and his wonderful family before now. I miss this true friend every day. There are many more stories I can tell, but I think I will put a few off. I have pictures around I think that have survived numerous moves and somewhere there is the funny video we made for his bachelor party. I often pondered the saying “only the good die young” when my mother-in-law and then my mother passed away. My take on it is somewhat different than the traditional view. I think it means when someone good and worthy passes away and they are truly missed then it has happened too early no matter the age. My heart aches for my friend.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Good first week so far
I have had a good first week so far with the diet and exercise. I haven't really been craving anything too bad. If I want something sweet I have a 15 calorie Popsicle or yogurt. If I want something salty I have popcorn with a ton of hot sauce on it. So far, so good. I have been drinking a ton of water and I have lost the easy pounds that drop quick in the first week. My goal is to be under 250 by April 1st and I am at about 257 now. I hope that by running and doing the martial arts I can avoid plateaus. We have a Notice Board on our intranet at work that I believe every agency member looks at during the day at some point when it's slow. I put a notice on there that I wanted to know about any 5ks coming up for me and Zach and I have had an overwhelming response. I got no response when I tried to sell my $100 holster for next to nothing, but now I got SWAT guys e-mailing me and sergeants I have never heard of e-mailing me. There is one coming up on the 22nd at the beach park we go to in Naples. It is called the Beach Bum Run. It is beach running so it is hard, but you get a cool tiedie t-shirt. It is good motivation for me when I don't want to run in the morning especially that I now know so many agency members will be there. I gotta represent, yo.
I have ran about 8 miles this week and will do 3 more today. I have attended jiu jitsu class with Zach twice and tonight we are going to the Kali stick fighting class. It is funny to go with Zach because it drives him nuts for someone to touch him with wet hands, much less rolling around on the mats with jiu jitsu. The first class everyone was laughing because sweat was rolling off me and on this one move I ended up smearing my ankle and foot all over his face. It is alright though because he has kicked me in the nose and nuts enough times to make up for it. I am thankful that they hang close. I want to start the kick boxing next week, but my schedule really only allows me to make it once next week.
On an unrelated note my mothers grave bench has finally been installed. I look forward to visiting it the next time I am up there.
I have ran about 8 miles this week and will do 3 more today. I have attended jiu jitsu class with Zach twice and tonight we are going to the Kali stick fighting class. It is funny to go with Zach because it drives him nuts for someone to touch him with wet hands, much less rolling around on the mats with jiu jitsu. The first class everyone was laughing because sweat was rolling off me and on this one move I ended up smearing my ankle and foot all over his face. It is alright though because he has kicked me in the nose and nuts enough times to make up for it. I am thankful that they hang close. I want to start the kick boxing next week, but my schedule really only allows me to make it once next week.
On an unrelated note my mothers grave bench has finally been installed. I look forward to visiting it the next time I am up there.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Motivation
I left a comment on a friends blog and in the process I realized something important about myself. I think I can finally give voice to what motivates me professionally. If asked I would usually say that I want to do what is necessary to pay my bills and provide for my family. That is still true, but it does not go to the marrow of how I wish to carry myself as I go about my job.
There is fear in my work. That is one part of what drives me to get the job done. There is fear that you will get fired for not doing your job. There is fear that an inmate will manipulate you into making a mistake(they will manipulate you, you just have to manipulate them more). There is fear that you will contract staph or MRSA from all the nasty asses and funk you encounter daily(this has happened to several friends). There is fear that you will be sued by a worthless humanoid for no reason. There is fear that one day, one or more of these 30 or 50 or 90 inmates that share the room with you as you feed them or walk through will decide that they have nothing left to lose and that they are going to take you or a coworker out with them. All this fear motivates you to remain vigilant and think and do a good job.
It is not enough for me by itself.
What motivates me more than anything...what makes me want to lose more weight, run more, work out more, take martial arts training, further my education, and work hard at work is the desire to be well thought of at the lowest levels by the people who matter.
I go out of my way at work to get along with the people I am assigned to work with. I do not duck calls for assistance. I counsel and try not to judge when they tell me about their latest personal mistake or professional error. This all appeals to both my positive and negative personality traits.
I have always liked for people to think I am smart and at least question if I am smarter than them. I do this even though I haven't been the best at putting in the hard work to truly master anything. I have usually skimmed the surface picking up trivia or minutia. It is easy to know a little about a lot. It is hard to sacrifice and study and become truly proficient.
I am what they call an amiable personality. I like to be liked and that can make my job difficult at times. My fear that I will let down coworkers is what allows me to use it to my advantage. I can never admit this to the people I work with because some are not good people, but I will always follow orders and I will do anything that is not illegal or immoral if a coworker asks me. My desire to please and assist and help those I work with is that strong. If an inmate is about to start something I try to get in front to either deescalate or take the first shot of spit or piss or the first hit. If there is doubt as to who will take a job and write the report I will volunteer. If you don't want to feed 100 inmates lunch or dinner because you are "tired" but really afraid I will do it if you ask me. If they knew that all they had to do was ask I would be wasted by the end of the day.
I had a good partner when I started and worked nights and he taught me a lot. In the end one of the reasons I transferred to days was because he slept too much at night. Now I know that I wouldn't mind. We busted ass every day until lock down helping the jail to run. We worked so much that supervisors told us to ease back because no one else was answering any calls. We had an expression that we would use when asked to do some special assignment. We would say, "These shoulders are broad sarge, pile it on." That is how I want my coworkers to see me. I want to be the horse that is always ready to pull the load. That is my motivation.
There is fear in my work. That is one part of what drives me to get the job done. There is fear that you will get fired for not doing your job. There is fear that an inmate will manipulate you into making a mistake(they will manipulate you, you just have to manipulate them more). There is fear that you will contract staph or MRSA from all the nasty asses and funk you encounter daily(this has happened to several friends). There is fear that you will be sued by a worthless humanoid for no reason. There is fear that one day, one or more of these 30 or 50 or 90 inmates that share the room with you as you feed them or walk through will decide that they have nothing left to lose and that they are going to take you or a coworker out with them. All this fear motivates you to remain vigilant and think and do a good job.
It is not enough for me by itself.
What motivates me more than anything...what makes me want to lose more weight, run more, work out more, take martial arts training, further my education, and work hard at work is the desire to be well thought of at the lowest levels by the people who matter.
I go out of my way at work to get along with the people I am assigned to work with. I do not duck calls for assistance. I counsel and try not to judge when they tell me about their latest personal mistake or professional error. This all appeals to both my positive and negative personality traits.
I have always liked for people to think I am smart and at least question if I am smarter than them. I do this even though I haven't been the best at putting in the hard work to truly master anything. I have usually skimmed the surface picking up trivia or minutia. It is easy to know a little about a lot. It is hard to sacrifice and study and become truly proficient.
I am what they call an amiable personality. I like to be liked and that can make my job difficult at times. My fear that I will let down coworkers is what allows me to use it to my advantage. I can never admit this to the people I work with because some are not good people, but I will always follow orders and I will do anything that is not illegal or immoral if a coworker asks me. My desire to please and assist and help those I work with is that strong. If an inmate is about to start something I try to get in front to either deescalate or take the first shot of spit or piss or the first hit. If there is doubt as to who will take a job and write the report I will volunteer. If you don't want to feed 100 inmates lunch or dinner because you are "tired" but really afraid I will do it if you ask me. If they knew that all they had to do was ask I would be wasted by the end of the day.
I had a good partner when I started and worked nights and he taught me a lot. In the end one of the reasons I transferred to days was because he slept too much at night. Now I know that I wouldn't mind. We busted ass every day until lock down helping the jail to run. We worked so much that supervisors told us to ease back because no one else was answering any calls. We had an expression that we would use when asked to do some special assignment. We would say, "These shoulders are broad sarge, pile it on." That is how I want my coworkers to see me. I want to be the horse that is always ready to pull the load. That is my motivation.
Movies from this weekend, weightwatchers
We rented a bunch of movies over the weekend. The two that I watched were Beowulf and We Own the Night. I enjoyed both movies for different reasons. Beowulf made an effort to remain true to the legend and for that reason it was unexpected and entertaining. We Own the Night was ok, but I felt like Joaquim Phoenix was a poor choice. I understand that he had to be whiny for the role at times, but he struggles to transition from whiny to stoic tough guy in the end. Eva Mendes was muy caliente. I have determined after watching this movie that if you dress up Eva Mendes in the outfits she was wearing in this movie and have her sitting at a table smoking a cigarette and reading from the phone book for two hours that I would pay to watch.
The best I have seen Mark Wahlberg was in The Departed. In We Own the Night he does a good job, but I would like to have seen more of his character. If they had developed the plot to allow an exploration of his struggle and sacrifice the movie could have been Oscar worthy because of its perfect counterbalance to his brothers seedy and non-stop party life. In short his character is wooden, but he plays it well. Robert Duvall is believable and excellent as the man who has already sacrificed much for his city and who in the end gives everything.
I also started weight watchers online again this weekend. I do well when I have to record every thing I eat and all my exercise. It should help me attain some of my weighty goals this year. However, I am hungry already after my All-Bran with Extra Fiber breakfast.
The best I have seen Mark Wahlberg was in The Departed. In We Own the Night he does a good job, but I would like to have seen more of his character. If they had developed the plot to allow an exploration of his struggle and sacrifice the movie could have been Oscar worthy because of its perfect counterbalance to his brothers seedy and non-stop party life. In short his character is wooden, but he plays it well. Robert Duvall is believable and excellent as the man who has already sacrificed much for his city and who in the end gives everything.
I also started weight watchers online again this weekend. I do well when I have to record every thing I eat and all my exercise. It should help me attain some of my weighty goals this year. However, I am hungry already after my All-Bran with Extra Fiber breakfast.
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